a little pick-me-up

I had a hard time sleeping because I couldn't stop thinking about my patient's family and praying for them so I need a little pick-me-up before work.

Self-care: something we had to learn in school. And I'm glad we did because I often have to remind myself to take care of me.

So my pick-me-up -- my days with the girls. Shocker, eh?

I'm thinking this probably just be photos; my energy is running low. As I mentioned earlier I had Little Bean for a a day and a night. She's recently potty trained and I feel like she has grown up so much since then. She looks less like a baby without a diaper on.

Maelle joined us on Friday and we had a play date all day -- just the three of us. These two really are besties and they play so well together. We spent much of our time on the toilet because Maelle would want to sit on it after Sawyer did. And then Sawy would ask to go back on. We read many a book in that bathroom. Me sitting on the side of the tub with whichever girl wasn't on the toilet in my lap. I'm not going to say no when they ask to sit on the potty.

Sawy and Maelle are quite mischievous together.  The photo below is Maelle gagging on a wooden circle (don't worry, it was much too big to swallow). They'd been biting on the circles and then started trying to put them all the way in their mouths.

This quilt provided at least an hour and a half of entertainment. They would wrap each other up in it, crawl under it, jump on it, jump under it, and cuddle up in it.

See, I told you they were best friends. I had told Sawy that Maelle was coming to play tomorrow when I put her to bed and it was the second thing she asked about in the morning. "Maelle???" When Maelle did arrive Sawy went crazy! She was jumping on the couch and running around. It was pretty cute.

The girls went down for their naps at the same time, but Maelle slept for an hour longer. Sawyer was asking if we could wake her up the.entire.time. I ran out to the car to put Maelle's carseat in it and came back to find Sawyer had done just that, woken Maelle up. She had gone into my room and was excitedly hollering, "Maelle! Maelle! Maelle!" How could I be mad?

Little Miss stayed over after we brought Sawyer home. We had a lovely little sleepover and she slept so incredibly well! And she went down so incredibly easy! The easiest she has ever gone down for anyone ever. All three times I put her to sleep. I may not be a mama, but this Auntie can work some magic. I'm happy to say my techniques really paid off because I think Maelle's parents are implementing the same or at least similar ones and are continuing to get great great results.

And now I may be late for work. Ciao!

it feels wrong

I left work this morning and prayed that my patient be dead when I return this evening.
It felt wrong.
Praying for him/her to still be alive feels worse.
My patient is sick.
So very very very sick.
And the family is in denial.
They want the doctors to do everything they can.
And they have.
There is nothing left to be done.
My heart aches for the family.
They love their family member so much and they can't see that he/she is dying. 
I wish my patient would get better.
But that's impossible.
Next to impossible, at least.
I want him/her to have a peaceful death.
Surrounded by family and loved ones.
That won't happen.
When I left my patient this morning he/she was incoherent and responding to only pain stimuli.
Temperature was 39.7.
I couldn't get a pulse or a blood pressure.
Respirations were 36 per minute.
Blood sugar was 28.6.
That may not mean much to you, but it means he/she is sick.
So very very very sick.
And on the way to the OR in a last ditch effort to appease the family. 

I know the family isn't ready to say goodbye.
I would love for them to come to terms with what is happening with their loved one.
I would love to facilitate the grieving process.

But I'm torn.
I am a nurse and my patient comes first.
They have to.
The family unit is considered my "patient", but the one in the hospital bed is my priority.
And this particular patient is sick.
And the family needs to let him/her go.

I'm sad to say that we keep many people alive too long.
I don't want to sound insensitive or heartless.
I have never lost anyone very close to me and I don't know how difficult it is to be a family member clinging to a loved one you aren't ready to say goodbye to.
But I do know what it is like to sit there and watch a patient suffer because their family can't let go.
I do know how terrifying and painful it is to watch every move make someone writhe in pain.
I have looked into the eyes of a person knocking on death's door and pleading with me to take their pain away.
I have watched people gasp for breath and panic when they feel the next isn't coming.

I have also seen people peacefully passing from life into death. 
I have seen families accept the inevitability and focus on sharing the last moments with the one passing.
I have seen families celebrating life until the last breath is drawn, helping their loved ones ease away.
A loving and accepting family won't necessarily make death less painful or terrifying for themselves or the patient, but they can certainly make it... I can't think of the word. 
Death is never easy, but it can be beautiful.

This is what I hope for this family, though I am not expecting it.
At the end of the day, I hope my patient is at peace.
And I hope his/her family is there to support each other when the time does come.


I am writing this after being up for more than 24 hours so my thoughts may seem cloudy. For this I apologize. I do not mean to offend anyone and I hope you won't think less of me. Feel free to ask questions or leave any comments you may have.

Music Monday

Hello Mondains. It is that time of the week and I'm that kind of guy.

It has been a while since I've posted from My Brightest Diamond. Since then I've listened through their entire album and I've got to say, if you like dramatic opera mixed with pop mixed with punk mixed with classical mixed with I-don't-know-what, then this is the album for you. Every song is a different flavor but still so good.

Like this one:



High, Low, Middle.

Until next time, keep your self low but not too low.

EDO

lovin it.

The sun is shining, spring has sprung, and I love it! I love this time of year!

The garden is growing but the rain to sun ratio is perfect so I don't need to water it too often.
It's often warm enough to keep our doors open.
It's cool enough at night to cuddle up and sleep under the duvet.
The sun is shining in the morning when I wake up -- even if it is cloudy for the rest of the day.
The grass is green and lovely.
I don't have to pull out my "summer clothes" yet to see that they don't fit me... again. Darn womanly body. 
Trees are blooming everywhere.
Everything is blooming.
There is the distinct smell of barbecues everywhere. 
Temperatures of 20 degrees are considered hot.

Those are just a few things. Again, I'm off to work!!

pretty much the same.

There may be an entire year between these two photos, but they are pretty much the same.

We had Sawyer over on Thursday night. Then both girls were at our place all day Friday and Maelle slept over on Friday night. More on that later. I'm off to work!

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday Ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

Wishing you a lovely weekend!  

*** *** ***

Little Miss and Unco Egik

I know I often talk about how much Maelle loves Erik, but I just can't help myself. On Sunday I went to pick her up from nursery and she was so excited to see me! She started hollering "Auntie Ashley!!", but not even a millisecond after I had scooped her up she started asking where "Unco" was. I asked her which uncle she wanted and she looked at me like I was being ridiculous and started giggling excitedly and saying "Unco Egik".

We stopped at her house briefly on our way home from church as her parent's graciously let us take her for the afternoon -- they're cool like that. As we were leaving their house she did turn around to make sure I was coming with them, God bless her heart, but she forgot about me after that.

And why wouldn't she?? I certainly don't toss her in the air like this.

But she clearly loves it. And so does he. In fact, I'm not entirely sure who loves it more.

He also gives the best shoulder rides... or so she says. "Unco's Show-das". She either holds onto his ears during the ride or points out his eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, cheeks, chin....

Erik tried to pull dandelions in the yard when Maelle was over and she wanted to be as close to him as possible. Watching wasn't good enough, she had to be as.close.as.possible. So close, in fact, that she was walking between his legs.

And if Erik is sitting on the couch, Little Miss is either standing on his feet and leaning against him or she's...

... climbing right up there with him and jumping on his back like so.

And she is always rewarded with being tossed in the air, or hung upside down, or tickled, or wrestled, or squished.

Which she clearly loves.

All I do is feed her, clothe her, bathe her, change her diaper, snuggle her, kiss her owies, put her to bed, dance with her, and love her unconditionally. Oh, I chase her, tickle her, and play with her, but it's not the same. Never the same. 

She likes me fine, but Erik, she loves him.

Music Monday

So not too many people know this but I absolutely love the Rankin/Bass 1980 adaption of The Return of the King. I have watched it many, many, many, many, many times; more than I would like to count. I can recite most of the movie from memory and I often have the music in my head. Especially the following: This is "Frodo of the Nine Fingers" sung by Glenn Yarbrough.



I know that the cartoons aren't the best but they make me happy.

Until next time, keep your roads going ever, ever on.

EDO

The Kina

I present March's knitting project -- the Kina. Modeled by Little Miss Maelle Mai.

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday Ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

Wishing you a lovely weekend!  

*** *** ***

 

the start of something good

Lookie here! I may not sow my seeds in straight lines, but this, my friends, is the beginning of my garden!

These might be beets (I don't remember what I planted where), but even if they aren't -- they're growing!!! I don't think we even thought garden until the end of May last year. I'm glad we got a bit of an earlier start on things this year. I can't wait to eat produce fresh from the garden. Yummy!

April Knitting.

The Saartje Bootees.

I have to admit that these were a refreshing change from the usual knitting I do. I was able to complete them in a single sitting (though I must admit I took two). These little bootees are just darling. Aren't they??

I have two more pairs weaved in, seamed, and waiting for buttons (curse those buttons!!), but I wanted to share these with you now. One pair that is the reverse of these (yellow on the bottom and green on top) and one that is the pinky/red on top and green/yellow on the bottom. The ones with the pinky/red are my least favourite, but they match my Baby Surprise Jacket the best so those are definitely for me.

I do have one problem with these bootees, though, -- I don't want to give any away. Not even to my dear sister and the sweet babes growing in her womb. I will come to terms with this, I'm sure, but for now they are mine, all mine! Especially this pair here -- they're my favourite.

They're so tiny I'm not sure they will fit any baby but Lindsey's though (assuming they are little). I made the newborn size, but how long do babies last in newborn clothes?? It's never long before they are onto 0-3 month things so I am going to get some thicker yarn and bigger needles and make more saartje bootees in a bit of a bigger size.

I meant to photograph my March Project, but now my camera battery is charging and I never got around to it. It is much cuter on a small child than sitting on the floor anyway. I will post some pictures of that project soon enough.

Happy Wednesday.

"home"

**Woops, I never posted this. These photos are from our trip "just south of the border" to Erik's parent's house.

Our trip to Washington was lovely. It was so nice to see my SIL and her kidlets... and to see the rest of the family. I cannot believe how much those boys grow each time we see them -- the last time was in September when we made our trip to Minnesota.

Love these munchkins.

We spent plenty of time in the good 'ol spring sunshine.

Erik and I slept in the tent in the backyard. It was cold, but I got to use Erik's new sleeping bag.

This boy is just too too sweet. Too Sweet.

Story-time every night with my FIL. Brought me back to my childhood when my own papi would read to us.

Many snuggles -- mostly with their mama, but we occasionally got to cash in.

Leisurely afternoons.

Playing at the park after church.

Ridin' the slide with style.

Wrestling (poor uncle jayna).

And many precious moments.

Music Monday

Hello Mondains.

Have I ever told you about the time my mind blew up? It was October 30th 2010 and I was at the Paramount Theater in Seattle. Sufjan Stevens had just released his newest album Age of Adz. I am so glad I listened to the album a few times before going to the concert because I may have walked out if I didn't know a little bit of what was coming.

The Age of Adz is based on three things: 1. A schizophrenic artist named Royal Robertson. 2. Sufjan's own self proclaimed battle with mental health. 3. Sound. As much as possible, as bizarre as possible. There is nothing about this album that is comfortable and yet somehow it came together to make an amazing album.

Sufjan constructed the concert tour to very much represent the album. It is completely visceral; it holds no real form, it has no plot or setting, no story or narrative. It is completely worked from the senses. Sounds, sounds, sounds. Perhaps it's like reading James Joyce; you have no idea where you are or what is happening but it's brilliant. Because of this, my brain burst.

Here is one of my favorite songs from the album live. You may not like it. I had a hard time with it until I realized that everything Sufjan does in it is intentional, even if it doesn't sound nice. This is Get Real, Get Right by Sufjan Stevens:



In case you are interested here is the video that was playing in the background. It is all art work by Royal Robertson spliced together by Sufjan himself.



If you are completely perplexed here is a link to a video where you can watch Sufjan explain the Age of Adz personally

I really don't know how to explain how good it was but it was the best concert I have ever seen.

Until next time, hold on to your butts.

EO

funny.

This made me laugh. A lot.

A Fox Sports reporter mistook Kevin Bieska for Ryan Kesler after the Canucks beat the Kings on Wednesday. Bieska just went with it and does a very patriotic impersonation of his teammate. You can read about it here or you can just listen to the interview below.
God Bless America.

some things.

I'm in the middle of my work week; I will be spending 24 of the next 36 hours at the hospital. I hear it's supposed to be a beautiful weekend in these parts. I will hopefully be sleeping most of the hours the sun is out shining, but I'm excited for lovely weather none-the-less.

I knit another Baby Surprise Jacket. I used the leftover yarn from the first jacket and I got a yellow as well to make it a bit different. I also used slightly bigger needles to make the sweater a bit bigger. I still have loose ends to knit in, the seaming to complete, and buttons to pick out, but it is almost done. And I loved it just as much as I did the first time around. I need to pick a button for my March project and then I will show it off. And I haven't started the bootees for my April project. That's one of my goals for my days off. To knit at least three pairs. One for me (the first of each pattern is always for me) and then two for Lindsey. I have some yarn left over from the most recent BSJ so I will be using that.

Yesterday I got a lovely little package in the mail -- the yarn I ordered for my May project. I have settled on the Owlet Sweater for next month. I think it may be the most difficult thing I have done so I am going to start it as soon as I complete my bootees. I am very excited.

I haven't read a book yet. I re-read the hunger games, but I haven't cracked open anything new. I'm thinking of reading a little C.S. Lewis. A book, the beach, and my knitting. That's what I have planned for next week. Sounds delightful! Maybe some hot cocoa too. I don't even like hot cocoa, it just sounded right. Cocoa.

I've been going to the gym the past few weeks. Paying for a gym membership is painful and it feels ridiculous, but I really need other people for motivation! I go to classes because I am super lazy when I am on my own. I tried running on my own last summer and I would go for 3 minutes and then walk the rest of the way. Lazy and lacking self discipline. Just this week I incorporated running into my exercise routine. I h.a.t.e. running. Like hate hate it.  Despise. Loathe. Detest. But everybody knows cardio is important. I run on the treadmill which feels like cheating, and it kind of is, but at least I get my heart rate up. The thing I like about the treadmill is that it forces me to keep a certain pace whereas if I were "running" on my own I would just walk or jog slowly - painfully slow. Eventually I would like to take my running outside, but I'm too chicken at this point. I would be the lady huffing and puffing and dragging my feet behind me. No thanks. Sometimes I miss being eighteen and fit.

And that is pretty much my life: work, knit, exercise. 
Heavy on the knitting and light on the exercise.
Hope your weekend is lovely.

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday Ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

Wishing you a sunny weekend! 

*** *** ***

Happy Birthday Sawybean!

My little lovey is two today! Two!! We celebrated this weekend with a bonfire, cake, and appy's. Mandi made an awesome cake complete with homemade fondant (with a camo design) and a bambi that she fashioned after a picture found on the interwebs. It looked awesome! Sawy was a little shy with all of us singing to her and didn't want to blow out her candle so her papi kindly did it for her.

The day Sawyer was born I wrote these words,

I had the pleasure and the privilege of welcoming little Sawyer Dawn into the world in the wee hours of the morning.

I. Am. In. Awe. 

Nothing has changed and I am still in awe of my little lovey. It is amazing to see how much she is growing and learning. I love that her vocabulary has exploded, though I often need Mandi to translate what Sawy's saying. I love that she excitedly calls out "Auntie!" every time she sees me. I love her spontaneous affection - her aggressive hugs and her kisses. I think it is absolutely adorable when she leans her chubby cheek in when you ask her for a kiss. I love her fake laugh and how much she adores her baby brother. I love reading to her and wrestling with her. I love hearing her ask for "moa, moa, moa" of whatever we are doing (wrestling, eating, reading, jumping, dancing, singing...). I love that she says "pease" all the time. When Sawyer talks her "k's" sound like "t's" -- Taden (Kaden), Turtis (Curtis).

Sawybean's favourite things include:

• Playing in the car. Particularly my car which is probably because I let her do it the most. She just climbs from seat to seat, pushes buttons, pulls levers, waves out the back window. She isn't strong enough to honk the horn (thankfully), but I'm sure that will happen eventually.
• Her baby brother. Mandi and Sawy came to pick up Kaden when he slept over without her and she ran in the door and proceeded to call out "baby! baby! baby!" and then she kissed him profusely. Interestingly she always called him baby until about a week ago. If you asked her to stay "Kaden" she would just say "Baby" back to you. Now she will repeat "Kaden" (Tayden), but she calls him "baby" if she is referring to him. 
• Reading. 
• Cartoons. (Tatoons). The viewing of cartoons is limited, but she does love them. 
• Yogurt. Anytime I open the fridge Sawyer will run into the kitchen and point out the yogurt pleading "pease, pease, pease". It doesn't matter where she is or what she is doing -- all activity will stop for the chance to have some yogurt. 
• Maelle. It is so fun to watch these two together. They really do adore each other and play very well together. 
• Wrestling. This usually includes Sawyer running at me full-speed and then jumping into my arms. We then roll around the floor, or she steam rollers over me, and we tickle each other and then she jumps up and asks for more.
• Jumping. I would have to say that Sawy is a very good jumper. And she loves doing it. She loves holding onto my hands and jumping. Or jumping in the middle of the room all by her lonesome. Or jumping on the couch. Or jumping on her bed. She just loves jumping.

I teared up as I read the letter I wrote Sawyer last year on her first birthday. I remember how I felt then and the only thing that has changed is that I love her more fiercely than I did then -- if that's even possible. I'm thinking another letter may be in order.

Until then,

Happy Birthday Sawybean! I love you with all my heart.

Music Monday

Hello Mondains. Welcome to another addition of Music Monday!

Today I've been thinking yet again of days gone by which made me think of this little ditty to share. This song is one that I hold very dear. I immediately connected to it as soon as I heard it and have never looked back. I am lost in the rhythm and enveloped by the sound. It comes in like a flood tide.

It actually makes me think of a story of a big ship. In the summers, in Alaska, the company that I work for has two "floating processors." I had never seen one but when I first heard the term I thought of the usual floating type thing up there which is old rusty barges with train car apartments for people to work in. One year, during our six hour return journey to the boat storage, we decided to visit a floating processor because we would be arriving at midnight which is when they have a meal for the workers scheduled for night shifts. Being employees in a sense we decided to go for midnight lunch. I saw the lights to the processors while we were still four hours away and steered for them. The processors, it was pointed out to me, were actually ocean going vessels which were converted into mobile processing plants, not little rusty barges. We slowly crept up on the processors which went from specs to boats to ships. The moment this song reminds me of is when were approaching the vessels and a small fishing boat, like the one I was on, showed me the actual scale of the ships. It was tiny; they were huge. It is hard to gauge the size of something on the water due to the vastness of the ocean; everything looks tiny. My brain was tricked into thinking that these were not all that large and then reality struck me. It was like the moment when your brain finally recognizes how it has been tricked while looking at an optical illusion. These were big ships. Ten times the length of the boat that I was on and who knows how much more in volume. I actually gasped and went wide eyed. It was also funny to learn that the tiny boat that I had seen tied up to one of these larger ones was actually a hundred foot crab boat that makes our thirty two footer look small.

This is Brian Eno with "The Big Ship"



Until next time, keep your eyes wide and your gasps involuntary.

EDO

that moment

That moment you realize you can't take any medications out at work because your fingerprint was burned off by the element on the stove that your husband left on.

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday Ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

Wishing you a relaxing weekend! 

*** *** ***

simple things

My-oh-my is it ever difficult to get pictures of almost-two-year-olds!! I think they are incapable of keeping still. Trying to get photos of Sawybean in these little pants was painful! Much more painful than actually sewing them. Yes, I did happen to sew these Little Kickers. Aren't they lovely? I guess you can't really tell because someone wouldn't stand still long enough for me to actually have a chance to show you so you'll have to take my word.

These little pants are officially the first sewing project I have completed entirely on my own. I didn't even call my mama for help. Wanna know why? Because I didn't need to -- the pattern was wonderful and these little pants were easy-peasey. They were seriously a cinch. Perfectly simple. They were delightfully simple and they worked up so quickly too! And dare I go as far as to say they were fun to make? Simple, quick and fun. What more could anyone want out of a pattern? Oh! They are perfectly adorable as well. I guess that is the fourth part of an ideal pattern.

Simple. Quick. Fun. Adorable.  

These little pants are also functional and practical, which in my opinion are key attributes of a great pattern, but they aren't imperative.

But my absolute favourite thing about these pants? My friend Kimberly invented them. I know invented isn't the word, but it's all that comes to mind right now. Kim has been working at Favorite Things for the past few years designing clothes and things (designing! that's the word I'm looking for!) and has recently launched a line of her own, Simple Things. 

In some of Kim's own words, Simple Things is a "collection of affordable, high quality PDF patterns" that allow you to "harness [your] creative energy by sewing things that are beautiful, practical and fun! This collection is for everyone - from beginner to advanced seamstresses and it really will be as easy as click, print and sew." And it really is that easy.

Click.Print.Sew

Ugh!

Please excuse my absence.

I promise I have a good excuse.

Music Monday

Hello and guess what. It's Monday!

Here is an inspiring piece of music by Jonsi. Don't know who Jonsi is? I'll tell you. He is the lead singer of the band Sigur Ros. His full name is Jonsi Birggison and he decided to make a side project, the result being Jonsi. Don't know Sigur Ros? I would advise you to check them out.

I enjoy both Sigur Ros and Jonsi for their emotive qualities, beautiful music, but mostly for the hope that their music is infused with. It makes for good listening.

This is Jonsi with "Go Do"



If this didn't inspire you to go and do then I suggest you have a trusted friend check your pulse because you may have ceased living.

Until next time, keep your roses victorious.

EO

problems

I am having some issues with blogger at the moment. I don't know what is going on, but I am going to lose my mind so you'll have to wait until later tonight or tomorrow sometime for a look at the little kickers I made. While you're waiting, check out this site.

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday Ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

Wishing you a lovely weekend! 

*** *** ***

baby in handknits

I took advantage of my sleepover with Kaden this weekend and snapped a couple photos of him in my a couple of my knits. With his puke record I had to be quick... but I wasn't quick enough. He managed to snag my baby sophisticate. And my shawl, but that was my fault because I was burping him with it behind me -- note to self this is a bad idea.

Here's the little man in my Baby Surprise Jacket. Man, it is snug. I did the baby size and I know I am a tight knitter, but it is a bit smaller than I wanted it to be. He is only 12 pounds and it is small on him. With my luck our babies will come out nearly that size so it won't fit them for long. I think I will do my next one with a bit bigger needles. I have yarn left over from this one and I loved the pattern so I think another one is in order... hopefully it will end up being about a 3 month size.

And the Baby Sophisticate. Another fave. Kaden has a really long and chunky torso, but this 6-12 month knit fits him perfectly right now. I had to roll the arms up a bit to accommodate his short arms. The length is correct for the 6-12 month size, but it is probably a little more snug than intended due to my tight knitting. I still think it is adorable!

womb mates

Remember when I announced Lindsey's pregnancy??

Well, I may have left out one tiny detail.
It's quite insignificant really.

Lindsey isn't just having a baby.
She isn't just having a baby.

She's having two.

There are two little people growing in Lindsey's womb.

Twins.

And I got to see them today.
For the second time, I might add.
(Auntie's get to brag about these things, you know?).

And they were beautiful.
(At least they will be by the time they are in my arms).

And busy.
(Kicking each other and flipping around).

And healthy.
(Praise the Lord!).

Baby A (Abba) is currently weighing in at 10 ounces
and Baby B (Bronco) is a whopping 11 ounces.

And I love them to pieces already.

I got these little onesies made for Lindsey this morning before her ultrasound.
Cute, eh?

Twins.
Little Buddies.
Best Friends?

Womb Mates.

PS. Happy 40th Anniversary, Mom and Dad!!!

Music Monday... late again

I guess my promises mean nothing... it was my birthday yesterday so cut me some slack?

Don't know much about this band but I like the video and the song. Enjoy.

Friend Fires with "Skeleton Boy."



 Until next time (hopefully on time)...

Keep your fire friendly.

EO