Living in the Present

"To live in the past and future is easy. To live in the present is like threading a needle."

Walker Percy

I read this quote yesterday and it really made me think. It is easy to live in the past and the future. It's safe. You can appreciate and enjoy thae things that have happened. There is no real vulnerability in recalling events and evoking memories. Things have already happened and although there may be regrets, nothing unexpected happens in things you've already done. It is likewise easy to live in the future. You can dream and hope and make plans that you never really intend to keep. There is no harm in thinking of the future. Your dreams can be as large and idealistic as can be. You can plan things way in advance and perfect your goals for your life. There is nothing overly frightening about living in the future and living in your dreams.

Living now, living in the present, is much more difficult. There is an uncertainty in the immediate consequences and repercussions of our current actions. We are living out our dreams and hopes and plans. We risk failing because we are actually putting our plans into actions and trying to make them a reality. Our current lives actually affect us. This is exciting and mysterious, but also extremely frightening. We have plans, but you can never plan for the unexpected and the unexpected may cause us to drastically change the dreams of our future. The present is active and dynamic. Now, in the present, we simultaneously strive for our future and create our past.

I'm used to things happening the way I want them to. I'm used to preparing for things in advance and being certain of what the outcome will be. I'm used to my parents making the decisions for me. I'm used to biology questions and factual examinations. I'm used to things happening as they are expected to. I haven't had too many curve balls in my life, but this summer I was waitlisted on all the nursing schools I applied to except Prince George. Who wants to live in Prince George for four years?? Not me.

Up until... well yesterday actually. Yesterday I sent in my confirmation deposit to Columbia Bible College. Up until then I wasn't sure of what I was going to do next year. I decided not to go to Prince George because their program is non-transferable and so I had three weeks to decide what I wanted to do this year. Let me tell you, I could do anything... well except what I'd planned on doing. I have so many dreams and there are so many things that I would love to do and that I would be fully capable of making into realities. I didn't know what was best for me or for my future and my parents couldn't tell me. I still don't know what would be best for me and my future and my enjoyment, but I have decided to go to Columbia Bible College for the year and I am looking into an internship in a hospital in Africa for 2-3 months this summer. Both of those would be beneficial in helping me attain my goal of becoming a missionary nurse in either Africa or South America. So that's kind of what I'm currently planning on doing. We'll see if it actually happens. I could go more into the reasoning behind the decisions I made, but that would be way too much writing. I'm sure I'll talk about it sometime later on.

In other news: Today was my last day of work. It was so sad. I love the people there. I'll have to write an ode to Schneiders.