sweet cheeks

This little lady has some seriously sweet cheeks.

sorry, i just spat this out

Erik and I had been talking about my role as a "doula" before he left for Alaska. I have no official training and very little experience so I sometimes wonder what I am doing. After all, I have never given birth and I have only witnessed 12 births (aside from cesareans), playing an active role in just 5 of them. What qualifies me? What do I have to offer? What role do I play?

My fascination, does that qualify me?? Hardly. My reading? Sure I've read a lot of books, but you quickly learn that books don't make you good at something. Experience is HUGE! My personality? How does that help?

The truth is, I actually think I have a lot to offer. Yes, I have a lot to learn, but I also think I have a lot to offer. I provide a calm presence in labor and delivery. I trust the human body and value medical intervention when necessary. Emphasis on the word necessary.  I am very supportive and encouraging. I am intuitive and assist mothers before they even realize they need something. I am acutely aware that it is not my birth experience, but it is the families and I will do anything to make them feel validated and in control.
 
I think I would only ever "doula" for friends because I think my relationship with them is integral to my ability to help them. Take S and M for example. Their little one is due tomorrow and I have been eagerly awaiting a call telling me it's go-time. We have been friends for almost two years and they are some of my closest friends in K-town. We have developed trust and see eye-to-eye on most things. They know they can trust me to do anything to help them. We've been discussing their expectations of the birth itself and have all agreed that you can only prepare so much.

The truth is, you can never really be sure what to expect. Every mother is different. Every labor is different. Every couple has different strengths and weaknesses. People communicate differently. Everyone has different expectations. You never really know what will happen.

I had no idea what to expect when Mandi went into labor. No idea whatsoever. I did not know how she wanted to be supported or how she would react to labor. I did not know what she would need from me or how Kevin would support her. I did not know what to expect, but we worked well together. We adapted as labor changed and as needs changed. We took every change as a challenge and worked with it, rather than against it. We were fearless rather than fearful. We trusted the process.

And I think that is key. Trusting the process even when you are uncertain or even terrified. Working with the changes rather than fighting against them.

When I have assisted with births I try to interfere as little as possible. If things are going well and I can tell the mother is coping, than I sit back and follow their lead. When I can tell that they have lost their rhythm and are not coping well, I help them get it back and then take a back seat again. Sometimes it is as easy as holding their face and having them breathe with me, having them change positions (which sometimes takes a lot of convincing), or redirecting their focus. And other times they cannot regain their rhythm and every contraction requires my active attention and intervention.

But I really just like to fill in the gaps. Mama and Papa are the main event and I am only there as needed. I like offering the papa support so that he can help the mama and I prefer doing this without directing or even suggesting if possible. In my experience, some dad's won't participate if you do and in those cases I suggest or gently direct, but there are also dad's who will follow your lead. In those cases I will rub a woman's back a certain way or speak softly and the dad joins me. After he joins me I peter off and allow him to take the lead. I like to take a backstage role... make sure things are happening while not being seen.

I feel like this is a bit of verbal diarrhea. I apologize for that, but this is all I've got for today.

P[rom] K[ing]

These are pictures of pictures my MIL has. Please take note that a. the lighting was bad. b. i don't have a steady hand. and c. my camera was not the best. Now that you've taken note, get past that and look at how darn cute these pictures are.

Look at him! What a stud.

Sport'n the red all-stars. And check out that suit jacket... impressive.

Seriously, I love him! Do you think he could pull this look off anymore? Let me tell you, I'm a fan. He's a total babe.

what i woke up to

I worked last night and didn't end up going to bed until 0830 this morning.
I woke up to voices a few hours later.
Now, sound travels excessively well in our house.
I can almost hear entire conversations upstairs.
I was mildly annoyed at being woken up at 1100, but that is what happens when you live in a basement suite.
I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep.
Then I realized the voices weren't only in my house...
But they were in my suite.

Right outside my bedroom door in fact.
People were in my basement suite.
I wracked my brain thinking of who would come uninvited into my house...
But there were too many voices.
There were what sounded like six individuals scoping out my basement suite.
This isn't entirely unusual.
After all, the house we live in is for sale.
But I didn't get a message.
I wasn't expecting company.
I was sleeping.
And it looked like a bomb had gone off in my house.
Which is typical.
That wasn't my concern.
I was in my bed and there were people I did not know walking around my house.

So what did I do?
First, I covered my barely clothed body.
(Did I mention it reached 38 degrees yesterday).
Then,
Well... I thought of jumping out of bed and hiding under it...
Or wedging myself as far as I could I guess.
But can you imagine if they went to the other side and saw me??
Me, pathetically lying on the ground trying to go unnoticed.
In my skivvies.
That would be mortifying.
Instead I used the oldest trick in the book.
The very best defense mechanism.

Play dead.

That's what I did.
I played dead.
I rolled over, tried to not blink and pretended to sleep.

They came into my bedroom, turned on the light, and chatted up a storm.
The first three people didn't even notice me.
Some random girl, lying on a bed, sweltering under a feather duvet because it's already 30 degrees out.
They chatted up a storm.
The next two people came in chatting, but shut up quickly.
They retreated without shutting my door.
They moved four feet away and didn't bother lowering their voices while they exclaimed,
"There's some girl in there!! A girl!"

I heard them sheepishly shut the door and climb the stairs to vacate my the premises.
And me...
I burst out laughing.

Want to know what the most amusing part for me was?
Aside from strangers letting themselves into my house and coming into my bedroom while I'm sleeping?
The most amusing part is that I was rather liberal with my flatus this morning.

After all,
I hadn't been expecting company.

as big as a pineapple

he called

He said he wouldn't, but he did. I was doing just fine before I picked up the phone and heard his voice. And now... now I miss him something fierce. I may have had a little almost-breakdown after talking to him. I kinda just want to watch movies and eat ice cream. Scratch that, I want fast food, candy, and a chick flick...

I think I'll settle for some knitting.

But it was so good to hear his voice.

cuties

When I was home I got to hang out with this little guy and his momma. Isn't he beautiful!

I also got to see these rugrats... my nephews.

They absolutely LOVED Micah.

Especially this one.

But who wouldn't? Look at him!

meeting hailey

I was hoping to stay in Surrey for longer, but only stayed for two days. My friend is due July 14th and her family has a history of delivering early so I didn't want to risk it and miss the babies birth. I figure I can always come back for a three day weekend after the baby is born.

 

Lindsey and I stopped in to meet Hailey on our way to my parent's house. I guess you could say we were a little emotional... or very. We were so excited to meet her! We've been waiting for a long time for her arrival. My oldest niece is 16 and Hailey is her first cousin on our side of the family. My youngest nephew is already 7!

We were most excited because Anthony has been waiting for a long time for this too. He's not a young pup anymore. Watching him with his little girl was amazing! He was so sweet... he would snuggle her and tell her how much he loves her. He is so proud of her and was SO excited to introduce her to us. I could not be happier for him... for them.

 Anth has made it clear that he wants to share Hailey with the family. He wants us to get to know her and to be intentional about developing a relationship with her. I think that's pretty special because I don't want to become "Ashley - the Aunt from (insert location here)". I think some of my family members are defined by where they live rather than who they are. I hardly know many of them and I would love to actually KNOW my nieces and nephews - to be a presence in their life.

 It's times like this that make it hard to live away from my family. I know I don't live far, but I would love to drop in and see Hailey whenever I wanted. I wish I could be there for her day to day life. I wish I could cook for them and bake for them and clean their house. I wish I could see them at family bbq's.

 Hailey is so precious and my family is absolutely head-over-heals in love with her! It is plastered on all of our faces - we think she is the best. And she is. The very best.

She was so alert the entire time we visited her... well until the very end at least. She just stared at us and grunted. It was wonderful! She has the cutest little features. Her eyes are my favorite. Or the way she sucks in her bottom lip and makes her gums stick out. Very cute.

 Look at her!!! It's amazing that her face is still chubby even though she is only 6 lbs. I can't believe they come that small! Her cheeks were delicious. And that new baby smell. If I could bottle that smell I would wear it. It's intoxicating.

 I may have had a bit too much fun squishing her little cheeks, but she didn't seem to mind. And lastly, look at how little she is in her car seat!! (and how much she looks like an old man)

 If she were any smaller the thing would choke her! She barely fits in it. It's the smallest it can be and the clasps are snuggled right under her chin.  What do people do with premature babes?

my little princess

Look at her. She is perfect. I have never seen such a little face. I love her. 

She is so tiny. Seriously! So so so tiny. Her head is smaller than my fist. Her face is about the size of a chicken nugget (we measured). 

She was wide awake most of the time she was at my parent's house today. She just looked around as we fought over her and passed her around.

I could snuggle with her forever. I could just stare at her and listen to all her little grunts and squeeks. She is precious.

I would give almost anything to be able to live near her and to be a part of her life. I know I will still be part of her life, but it is a lot easier when you live right down the road.

This is a picture of Hailey and her cousin. He is six months old I think. Look at how teenie she is!

I can't wait to see her again! We go there for breakfast tomorrow on our way out of town. Hopefully my dad won't be there because he just steals her and peaces out so we can't find them. He got more snuggles than the rest of us combined!!! Isn't she perfect?

hailey's dress

i finally finished the little purple dress for my niece hailey jade. i am so excited!!!! i can't wait until she is big enough to fit in it. look at it... isn't it cute???

there are a couple things i would change... now that it's all said and done. i would go in and learn how to actually tie in my loose ends because mine look ridiculous. they create a bit of a bump on the inside which annoys me, but my mother is trying to convince me that no one will notice. and i know they won't, but it's like a cross-stitch... having a pretty back just feels good.

i would also change the button placement. i followed the pattern, but i think it would look better if the second button was lower down... or if i added a third one. i got these from my mama's stash so i couldn't go buy a third, thus the two tiny buttons that look unevenly placed. again, mom said no one would really notice. i think they will notice, but most probably won't care. i'm a bit of a perfectionist though so whenever i look at this little thing i am going to wish i had moved the buttons down. oh well, there's nothing i can do about it now.

but look at my knitting. i am going to take about 5 seconds to brag. it is so even and it looks so good (except for my little blip on the back). i'm pretty proud of it.

and here... this is one of the new stitches i learned that makes a pretty little corner. i think i like it.  i also love the color. i was talking to my sister-in-law and she said it is next to impossible to find clothing without pink in it (she hates pink) so i'm glad we went with the purple. it is going to be so adorable on little hailey.

and here is one last picture... just because i think it's so cute.

ps. i met my niece yesterday and man oh man is she ever cute!!! i love love love her. i didn't know faces were made so tiny and so perfect. absolutely lovely. pictures to come...

Cousins

I love my family. I love spending time with both my immediate and extended family. When I was driving back from dropping Erik off in Stanwood I stopped at my Aunt and Uncle's house for the night. I often make a pit stop there to see their kids. I lived with them a couple summers ago while I was working in Abbotsford so I have developed quite a special relationship with each of them. They are all wonderful! I was even in the habit of writing them letters... that fizzled out a while ago, but I still intend to keep it up.

I can't even begin to tell you why I love them so much. But I do. So much. They are each lovely individuals and I love watching them grow and learn. Each one of them gives me hugs and kisses when I come over (and the oldest is 18) and they make me laugh the entire time I am with them.

Erik and I adore this family. We have often talked about what we want our family to be like when we have one, and we have decided we want it to be just like theirs. We admire my Aunt and Uncle's marriage. We love their family. We love how they live their life and the priorities they have. We love where they live and, more importantly, how they live. They are fabulous.

One more thing... my aunt and uncle took the family across Canada and the States for 6 months a couple years ago. How fun would that be??? So very much fun. 

When I was at their house, the kiddies and I went to the barn to see the kittens they have. Then we played around outside with the camera, which we always do when I see them. They especially love the jumping pictures and silly faces. They set up each of the following photos. When the pictures were done we came inside for tea and a game of uno. There are six kids in the family, but the oldest two were out for the evening so I didn't see them until much later.

jumping. not very well timed.

silly faces.

and again.

aren't we cute?

i think they each picked one of the poses we did... i don't remember who came up with this idea, but they were all pretty pumped about it. 

i think this was the boys idea.

yup. i love them.

Erik does 99% of the dishes at our house. I always appreciate this and I very much miss it in his absence. I hate doing dishes. 

37 Week Belly

When I came home from Stanwood, Milena and I decided to go and take some pictures of her growing belly. Little Trogdor is getting bigger, moving lots, and keeping Mama up at night. There are three weeks until d-day and we are all getting very excited (especially S and M).

Three weeks. Does that ring a bell?? Remember this?? I wrote a blog three weeks before Sawyer's due date... and she decided to make her grand entrance seven days later. Wouldn't that be nice?

Back to Trogdor. Here are some pictures we took last Friday, just for kicks. We had to trek up a hill to get here... which is quite the feat for a pregnant woman (don't worry, she didn't carry the chair).

She's growing.

Look how much Sawyer has grown!

Three weeks old.

Two months old.

 And she has developed this super cute birth mark on her back. Aww.

And I have this little thing to look forward to in the next few weeks. Due July 14, but mama is really hoping for an early delivery.

Did you know that Erik was the Prom King? True Story. I married the Prom King. Holla.

Alaskan Adventures

Erik is off again on his Alaskan Adventures. He has been doing commercial fishing since... I think it has been 9 years now. He goes for just over three weeks every summer. Which means I am home alone for a month. We have no way of communicating while he is in Alaska and I think this makes things easier for us. I don't have to wait up for calls, or wonder if I missed him, or incessantly check my email. I don't worry because I won't hear from him until at least July 12.

We went down to Stanwood on Tuesday. It was wonderful! I was only there for two days, but it was very relaxing for me. For both of us. 

Did you know that Erik hates putting Tupperware containers away? He does.

An Announcment

I would like to announce the arrival of my niece, Hailey Jade.  She was born via cesarean section at 9:10am this morning weighing a whopping 6lb 3oz. So so tiny!!

I get to meet her in 11 days and I am more than excited!

bean

Sawyer's little piglet bum. Super cute.

Sawyer was baptized yesterday at our church, The Well. Our church has been around for... three years(?) and she is the first baby to be baptized there. Sawyer looked so cute in her new dress.

 For some reason it won't let me rotate this picture. I love this picture of her. That's all for now. I just got back from work so I'm going to bed.

Incessantly Knitting

This is what happens when you knit for three days without stopping.

I think the knuckles on my right hand hate me now. Only two more inches to go!

Knitting Progress

I knit for a couple hours yesterday while watching The Bachelorette. Yes, I am a little ashamed, but I have to admit that I do enjoy the show. I loved Ali last season so I had to watch this season :). Feel free to judge me... I probably deserve it.

Anyway. The point isn't what I was watching but what I was doing while watching. And I was knitting. I made some progress on the little dress I am knitting for my most-likely-niece.  I would have done more, but I got stuck. I am heading to my yarn store (yes I am possessive) this morning for some assistance. The thing is starting to take shape though and I am pretty excited.

This is a view from the top. I had to cast off a bunch of stitches to make the arm holes. That was intimidating for me and took a bit of faith, but I think it worked out the way it should.

View from the bottom... all my loose ends.

And this is how it looks when properly held up. Kinda cute, eh? I have to put some buttons on the shoulder there to hold it together. That's to make room for the baby's over-sized head. I am now in the process of working the from and back separately for a couple rows and then I have to get them back together. This is where I need help because I feel some of the directions are backwards. The pattern is saying knit (if I am reading it correctly), but I feel as though I have to purl. I may have left off at the wrong spot, but that is what my friends at Art of Yarn will clear up for me later this morning.

I need to work on this a lot today because I work for the next four days and then Erik and I are driving to Stanwood. He is Alaska-bound next week. Oh, and baby is due next Friday! Crazy! I am hoping to have it done by then, but I think that may be wishful thinking. I'll keep you posted.