the details... probably too much information

I cannot count the number of times I have found myself on google in the past few months. I was so unsure of what was happening within my body and I wanted to know that I was normal -- both with the pregnancy and the miscarriage. Google didn't have many answers. All I found were stories of women who had some experience or another but none were quite like mine.

I wasn't sure I was going to go into much detail around my miscarriage but I would have benefited from reading one a little more like mine so I am going to share.

We had been trying to conceive for nine months when I started bleeding on Christmas day. My cycle is usually 32 days so this was a few days earlier than expected, but nothing out of the ordinary. I was at work and spent a few minutes crying and subsequently composing myself in the bathroom, as had become my usual routine. I made it through my shift and went home to my empty house (Erik worked the evening shift).

Over the next few days my bleeding was on and off -- heavier than spotting, but much less bleeding than my usual period. It would stop for hours at a time and then bleed more heavily for an hour or so.

I was frustrated and perplexed so I sent Erik to the store to get me a pregnancy test as I was hoping to rule out pregnancy. We were going to the walk-in the next day because of our car accident and I wanted as much information as possible to share with the doctor.

My heart dropped a wee bit when the pregnancy test was positive. I wanted to be more excited than I was, but the bleeding was worrying me. I called 811 and a kind nurse talked to me for a while, but (obviously) had nothing definitive to tell me. I knew they wouldn't have anything to say, but my mind was racing and I didn't know what else to do. I needed someone to tell me it was going to be ok, but nobody could.

That was December 29.

On the 30th we went to the walk-in. We had our checkup and then I mentioned the bleeding/pregnancy. The doctor had me give a urine sample and she confirmed that I was, in fact, pregnant and then sent me for some bloodwork to see how the pregnancy was progressing.

Enter bloodwork every three days for the next month.

On January 1st I was working a day shift and started bleeding heavily after lunch. I called the midwife in a panic and she encouraged me to go to emergency for some more bloodwork. Thankfully one of my dear friends was working with me so I pulled her aside and she took care of everything as I was in no shape to return to work. She even called Erik and told him to meet me in emerg. They did some bloodwork and my HCG was rising, but it hadn't doubled as was expected. It was still well within a normal range so the doctor said he was unconcerned and gave me a req for more labwork in a few days.

I spent the next few days on self-prescribed bed rest. I was experiencing increased cramping and bleeding when I was upright so I spent most of my time lying on the couch. I called the midwife just to be reassured that nothing I could do would encourage or stop a possible miscarriage, but I still felt more sane when I was lying down. I felt like I was giving my body the best chance it had even though I knew it wasn't making a difference.

I continued going for regular bloodwork and my HCG continued to rise.

On January 9, I went for a trans-vaginal ultrasound at the fertility clinic -- I was just over six weeks pregnant.  Erik was thankfully able to come with me. The doctor wasn't able to see anything in my uterus, but she said she was unable to confirm miscarriage as your HCG needs to be above 1000 to see anything. So, I went for more bloodwork and my HCG was at 940. That is incredibly low for six weeks, but the doctor said it was still acceptable.

I think I passed the baby soon after the ultrasound. I went to the bathroom (and this may be too much information) and there was a little ... thing on my pad. Being curious, I inspected it and it looked exactly like the baby at six weeks gestation in the book I was reading earlier that day. The baby had stumpy little paddles-for-limbs and a large-in-proportion-head.

I had bloodwork done a few days later and my levels were still rising. The fertility specialist said I either had a twin pregnancy and I'd lost one of the babies or the placenta was still attached from a single pregnancy. She also presented the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy because my hormone levels were still going up, but not quickly enough. At this point she said that a viable pregnancy was highly unlikely so I needed to be aware of any abdominal pain that was more than cramping or different than my cramping and that I was to get to the hospital immediately if that should occur as it would likely be due to an ectopic pregnancy.

I'd always suspected the pregnancy would not be viable - I thought I was miscarrying the moment I saw that the pregnancy test was positive - but it was still difficult to hear that fear confirmed. And to have the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy to worry about on top of it!

I continued going for regular bloodwork and my hormone levels finally started dropping at the end of January.

I stopped bleeding the first week of February.

Whew. Writing this took a lot out of me. I was hoping to write more. Less facts and more experience, but that will have to wait.