Good Morning!

And hello, I suppose, as it's been a long while.

My break from blogging lasted a lot longer than I anticipated. And I can't really say that I'm "back", but I'm here for now and that has to count for something. I've been sitting here for a while thinking about what to start with.  As most of you know, I have a daughter named Eliza Jane. She is the sweetest thing even though she thinks she doesn't need naps at present.

I thought about writing about my pregnancy. I thought about skipping the last year and a half and starting with the present. I thought about writing about catching up on the highlights of my time away.

I'm a sucker for birth stories. I love them. Love them. So I thought I would start there and we'll see where I get. I will try keep the story as condensed as possible though I fear it will be much too long anyway. I don't know anyone who enjoys hearing birth stories as much as me so I won't bore you with my preferred depth of detail. However, consider this an open invitation to share every detail of your birth with me if you're ever interested or needing to debrief or you just want to make me happy.

Unfortunately, I feel the need to share a brief synopsis of my pregnancy as it plays into my labour and delivery.

When I miscarried in early 2014 it was a long process. I spent six weeks being told I was pregnant and likely miscarrying, but they could not confirm it because my hormone levels continued to rise, just not nearly fast enough. I spent six weeks having blood work multiple times a week and praying for a healthy child while hoping for confirmation of that tiny child's demise. I spent six weeks feeling conflicted and unworthy. My heart ached because I both wanted the child to live and thrive, but I also knew this outcome was highly unlikely so I just wanted certainty -- I wanted it to be over. It was a difficult time and the relief I experienced when my hormone levels finally started dropping left me feeling waves of guilt and more heart ache.

I found out I was pregnant for the second time on April 10, 2014. Again I felt conflicted.  I was hopeful, excited, hesitant, and terrified. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with a freshly baked pie and crying a bit, but mainly staring. Just staring. I grieved for the baby we lost, felt hope for the baby in my womb, but felt largely disconnected. I wanted joy and naive excitement, which I didn't get with either pregnancy.

I made the decision then and there that my motto for this pregnancy would be "consider it a blessing". All of it. I was determined to consider whatever time I had with that child a blessing whether it was a week, a month, or a long life. I was determined to love that baby for as long as it was entrusted to me.

I didn't tell Erik I was pregnant for a few days. I needed it to be my secret and needed time to process. We only told a few people in the beginning (8-10 weeks) and then shared the news with my family at 18 weeks. I couldn't hide it any longer at work at 22 weeks, but we didn't really "spread the news" until we were in the third trimester. It certainly wasn't how I envisioned things, but I needed time.

My pregnancy was an easy one physically, but there were a few bumps along the way. I started bleeding at five weeks and had two early ultrasounds (6 and 8 weeks) to keep an eye on things. My thyroid acted up requiring more blood work and an ultrasound of my neck.

The biggest issue was that my baby was breech. I'm pretty sure she sat herself down one day early on and liked it there. I only ever felt movement in my bowels and when she kicked it felt like her foot was going to come out of my cervix. They first mentioned that the babe was breech at my 20 week ultrasound, but then it wasn't a concern. Babe was still breech at 35 weeks so I started doing everything I could to encourage flipping. I tried moxibustion, spinning baby techniques, accupuncture, and visualization. Every time my baby moved I would jump up and put my knees on the couch and my face on the floor. I spent hours on all fours trying to encourage proper orientation, but had no luck.

Vaginal breech deliveries aren't offered in Kelowna, a breech baby is an automatic cesarean, so I started exploring my options. I called the Vernon Hospital because I'd heard of an Obstetrician who is known to deliver breech babes on occasion. I called his office and tried to figure out a way to stay in the Okanagan. My best bet was to transfer to Vancouver though, as the likelihood of being allowed to deliver vaginal breech there was greater. I called a doula in Vancouver and began preparing to transfer my care to midwives in that area.

The doula knew of a woman who rents out her basement to families in town for deliveries so we were considering that an option. I was hoping to stay with family until closer to delivery, but the plan was for Erik to drop me off on the coast at 38 weeks and to join me closer to 40. I researched breech deliveries and informed myself of best practices surrounding that situation.

I worked my last shift at 37+2 weeks (I was so happy that I saved my vacation time for December) and had a lengthy ultrasound that day which determined that our perfectly healthy cherub was still breech.

At 37+5 weeks (Tuesday) I started going to a chiropractor who specialized in the Webster Chiropractic Technique in hopes that would create enough room to encourage reorientation of the babe.

On Wednesday (37+6 weeks) I met with an Obstetrician in Kelowna. He did a bedside ultrasound and the stinker remained breech so he booked me in for an External Cephalic Version that Friday.

On Thursday (38 weeks) I had another midwife appointment where the babe continued to be breech and my last appointment with the chiropractor as she would only try the maneuver three times. That night I was no longer able to eat or drink in preparation for the procedure the next day.

I arrived at the hospital on Friday (38+1 weeks) and sent Erik to the coffee shop while I went for my ultrasound (they don't allow husbands in for the procedure). Before performing an External Cephalic Version they do an in depth ultrasound because of the risks involved in the procedure. The procedure is done in an operating room that is fully prepped for a stat cesarean section (though when I watched the procedure on youtube this wasn't the case). I was given a 25% chance of the procedure being successful and warned that it would be extremely painful.

So Erik left and I got up on the table. The ultrasound tech began the ultrasound just above my pubic bone and the first words out of her mouth were, "Well, there's your baby's head." I stared at her blankly and said, "You mean butt." She said, "No, look! Your baby is head down!" She knew I was booked for the version and she said she'd never been able to give a mama this news. She quickly finished a bare bone ultrasound as the in depth one was no longer required and sent me on my way, telling me to check in on the maternity ward anyway to talk to the obstetrician before leaving.

I went to find Erik at the coffee shop. I told him the baby had flipped and he smiled and told me he felt it happen the night before, but wasn't positive so he didn't want to get my hopes up. We made our way to Labour and Delivery and the Obstetrician looked as surprised and relieved as I was that the baby had decided to cooperate. He knew we were hoping for a home birth and the babe was in an unstable lie and not yet engaged so he recommended we come to the hospital at some point in early labour to check in and ensure the cord didn't get compressed under the head. And he sent us on our way.

We had one more ultrasound at 39+4 to ensure babe was still head down. She was happy, healthy, and properly oriented so we started looking toward delivery.

Next: Part One