what i woke up to

I worked last night and didn't end up going to bed until 0830 this morning.
I woke up to voices a few hours later.
Now, sound travels excessively well in our house.
I can almost hear entire conversations upstairs.
I was mildly annoyed at being woken up at 1100, but that is what happens when you live in a basement suite.
I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep.
Then I realized the voices weren't only in my house...
But they were in my suite.

Right outside my bedroom door in fact.
People were in my basement suite.
I wracked my brain thinking of who would come uninvited into my house...
But there were too many voices.
There were what sounded like six individuals scoping out my basement suite.
This isn't entirely unusual.
After all, the house we live in is for sale.
But I didn't get a message.
I wasn't expecting company.
I was sleeping.
And it looked like a bomb had gone off in my house.
Which is typical.
That wasn't my concern.
I was in my bed and there were people I did not know walking around my house.

So what did I do?
First, I covered my barely clothed body.
(Did I mention it reached 38 degrees yesterday).
Then,
Well... I thought of jumping out of bed and hiding under it...
Or wedging myself as far as I could I guess.
But can you imagine if they went to the other side and saw me??
Me, pathetically lying on the ground trying to go unnoticed.
In my skivvies.
That would be mortifying.
Instead I used the oldest trick in the book.
The very best defense mechanism.

Play dead.

That's what I did.
I played dead.
I rolled over, tried to not blink and pretended to sleep.

They came into my bedroom, turned on the light, and chatted up a storm.
The first three people didn't even notice me.
Some random girl, lying on a bed, sweltering under a feather duvet because it's already 30 degrees out.
They chatted up a storm.
The next two people came in chatting, but shut up quickly.
They retreated without shutting my door.
They moved four feet away and didn't bother lowering their voices while they exclaimed,
"There's some girl in there!! A girl!"

I heard them sheepishly shut the door and climb the stairs to vacate my the premises.
And me...
I burst out laughing.

Want to know what the most amusing part for me was?
Aside from strangers letting themselves into my house and coming into my bedroom while I'm sleeping?
The most amusing part is that I was rather liberal with my flatus this morning.

After all,
I hadn't been expecting company.