sorry, i just spat this out

Erik and I had been talking about my role as a "doula" before he left for Alaska. I have no official training and very little experience so I sometimes wonder what I am doing. After all, I have never given birth and I have only witnessed 12 births (aside from cesareans), playing an active role in just 5 of them. What qualifies me? What do I have to offer? What role do I play?

My fascination, does that qualify me?? Hardly. My reading? Sure I've read a lot of books, but you quickly learn that books don't make you good at something. Experience is HUGE! My personality? How does that help?

The truth is, I actually think I have a lot to offer. Yes, I have a lot to learn, but I also think I have a lot to offer. I provide a calm presence in labor and delivery. I trust the human body and value medical intervention when necessary. Emphasis on the word necessary.  I am very supportive and encouraging. I am intuitive and assist mothers before they even realize they need something. I am acutely aware that it is not my birth experience, but it is the families and I will do anything to make them feel validated and in control.
 
I think I would only ever "doula" for friends because I think my relationship with them is integral to my ability to help them. Take S and M for example. Their little one is due tomorrow and I have been eagerly awaiting a call telling me it's go-time. We have been friends for almost two years and they are some of my closest friends in K-town. We have developed trust and see eye-to-eye on most things. They know they can trust me to do anything to help them. We've been discussing their expectations of the birth itself and have all agreed that you can only prepare so much.

The truth is, you can never really be sure what to expect. Every mother is different. Every labor is different. Every couple has different strengths and weaknesses. People communicate differently. Everyone has different expectations. You never really know what will happen.

I had no idea what to expect when Mandi went into labor. No idea whatsoever. I did not know how she wanted to be supported or how she would react to labor. I did not know what she would need from me or how Kevin would support her. I did not know what to expect, but we worked well together. We adapted as labor changed and as needs changed. We took every change as a challenge and worked with it, rather than against it. We were fearless rather than fearful. We trusted the process.

And I think that is key. Trusting the process even when you are uncertain or even terrified. Working with the changes rather than fighting against them.

When I have assisted with births I try to interfere as little as possible. If things are going well and I can tell the mother is coping, than I sit back and follow their lead. When I can tell that they have lost their rhythm and are not coping well, I help them get it back and then take a back seat again. Sometimes it is as easy as holding their face and having them breathe with me, having them change positions (which sometimes takes a lot of convincing), or redirecting their focus. And other times they cannot regain their rhythm and every contraction requires my active attention and intervention.

But I really just like to fill in the gaps. Mama and Papa are the main event and I am only there as needed. I like offering the papa support so that he can help the mama and I prefer doing this without directing or even suggesting if possible. In my experience, some dad's won't participate if you do and in those cases I suggest or gently direct, but there are also dad's who will follow your lead. In those cases I will rub a woman's back a certain way or speak softly and the dad joins me. After he joins me I peter off and allow him to take the lead. I like to take a backstage role... make sure things are happening while not being seen.

I feel like this is a bit of verbal diarrhea. I apologize for that, but this is all I've got for today.