Jon and Court

Sad news: Jonathan and Courtney lost their baby. Courtney went for an ultrasound and discovered the baby had stopped growing at seven weeks. Please keep them in your prayers.

in the mail

We finally bought a new computer. We currently have/had two that we have been using. We've needed two because one is always on the fritz. It has been extremely irritating because my old computer is much better than Erik's old computer, but his old computer was more dependable than mine.

His can't open any of my school documents though so I have to read everything at school. And I can't edit my girlfriends papers on his computer because it isn't compatible! It has been very aggravating. Also, it lost my most recent paper. Arg!

My old computer decided to stop working. Just the screen. Then we connected it to Erik's monitor and it worked for a couple months. And then it decided to stop working there too. So it turns on and you know everything is opening fine, but we just cannot see anything and we're told it's not worth fixing.

So what did we do? We bought a new one. And it is in the mail. I had nervous sweats while Erik was purchasing it on-line. I really have a tough time spending money. Like seriously. I am so cheap. I like to say I'm frugal, but Erik just calls me cheap. I still get all verklempt about it. Like, I hugely regret it... until Erik re-convinces me that it was a good idea.

You see, we didn't just get a computer. We got a Mac. And not just any Mac, but a Pro. Erik has been asking for said computer for over two years though and he finally wore me down. Or losing my paper did. I think he took advantage of my vulnerable and emotionally fragile state. He snuggled me and told me everything would be ok and that this would never have happened with a Macbook Pro.

Why a Pro?? Because it is apparently better for media such as music, photos and videos. And Erik knows how much I love photos. See! He knows my weaknesses and took advantage of them!! What a punk.

So our Macbook Pro is in the mail, our bank account took a slam, and I still have my nervous sweats.

From the Jansen Archives

I wrote my last midterm today! Last of two... doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment. And I only have one final exam this year. Man, fourth year is slack! I do have projects and papers due every week still. And final assignments, but seriously, I feel like I'm just jumping through hoops. Not learning too much.

You may be tired of old family photos, but that's what I got so that's what you get. I don't quite have the energy to articulate all the thoughts scurrying around my brain. There are far too many and it is overwhelming to even think about writing them down. I wouldn't know where to begin! Too much to think about with school, Africa, graduating, and just life in general. So, I digress to posting old family photos. And hopefully making some apple pie tonight. We'll have to see how ambitious I feel after this.

I've been thinking a lot about family recently. One of the reasons is obviously the babies in my life, but also just because. I have found myself thinking about what I want my family to be like. What kind of a mother I want to be. What kind of relationships I want with my children and with Erik. How I will develop those relationships. How I want to raise my children. Who we will be as a family.

I am regularly asked when I am going to have my own babies; when Erik and I are going to start our own family. The best answer I can give is, not now. Not yet. We both love where we are at - we are enjoying being husband and wife. Just husband and wife, not dad and mom. Well, I guess we are loving being uncle and auntie too.

I know there is never the perfect time to have children, but now is not the time. I am just finishing my degree and then I want to work for a while. It's not that I want to make a ton of money before babies, but I would like to be comfortable enough in my profession to take return after a maternity leave. And lets be honest, I am far too selfish to be a mama. Ok. So this is and it isn't true. I am selfish, but I would do anything for my pseudo-babies now. I can't even imagine how much I will love my own children. It's kind of terrifying and wonderful. One friend of mine described her kids as being her heart running around outside of her... I don't know if I'm ready for the heart-ache that can bring.

I keep reminding myself that we don't really get to decide. Sure we can try our hardest to plan it out, but it's ultimately up to God. Praise the Lord! Takes some of the pressure off! As for the number of kids we want... we'll take it one at a time. I would feel so blessed to have even one, but I would love to have a relatively big family. Depends who you're comparing to I guess... If my parent's are setting the standard I would like a relatively small family. Or maybe a medium one, but as I said, we'll take it one at a time.

Bloodbuzz Ohio

I love this man's voice. There is something about this song that makes me want to weep but at the same time it is so peaceful. And at the same time when I watch the video rather than just listening I want to laugh hysterically. I'm a big fan.

Babysitting Little Miss

I get to babysit this little lady every single Tuesday afternoon. It is the best part of my day! We usually chat and play and dance around. And sometimes we just snuggle and bounce because her tummy hurts or she's just sad. I love every minute of it though! I savor the time I get to spend one-on-one with my little girl.

She's teething right now so she's a drool monster! It's ridiculous!! She loves to gnaw on my knuckles and make "rawr" type noises that make me giggle with glee. I just love her to pieces. I know I'm baby crazy, but I am so content with just being an auntie right now. It is the best.

{this moment}

{this moment} - A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. 

Wishing you a lovely weekend!

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Christmas!! (pretty random)

I am so excited for Christmas! I always am. It is my absolute favorite holiday. Who doesn't love all the lights, music, hot beverages, family, food, decorations, trees, smells, fires, and presents??

Speaking of presents. I think I am almost half-way done with my Christmas presents. It is my goal to send our family in Minnesota their presents on time this year... that means bringing them down to my in-laws at the end of October when we go for a visit. I just have a couple more things to make and then they will all be ready to go!

This year we are getting a REAL Christmas tree. I don't know if I have ever had one. Mom? I am hoping to make all the decorations for the tree this year too. I have my work cut out for me! I love crafting though, it relieves stress for me. Gives me something practical to do with my hands.

Well, that's all for now. I have to use these hands to type a paper.

Stress Alert!!

Ok, since being married I have improved on my stress control immensely! This is probably where I have seen the most growth in myself. I don't let things bother me too much and I work on relieving my stress rather than allowing it to become debilitating.

When Erik and I were dating my stress would get so out of control that I wouldn't be able to communicate with him. It didn't help that our relationship was mainly over the phone, but still, it consumed me! I think the biggest thing for me was to learn how to put things into perspective. Especially with school. In the past two years I have chosen to hang out with friends more and invest in relationships and myself rather than just focusing on school. I went from being a college student to being a student who attends college. I seriously would do homework at every waking moment before getting married, it was a bit ridiculous. School was my life. Now school is just a part of my life. But it extends beyond school. I don't feel as much stress in life as I did before.

I have Erik to thank for this.Without him I would still be a stress case. He is so patient with me and so gentle. Yes, I need him to be gentle! He gently reminds me to keep things in perspective and asks me how we can go about making things better. If it is school I am stressed about he will cook and clean so that I can finish my work. If it is life that is causing stress he will talk through things with me and encourage me. I can't even explain how wonderful he is!

That all being said, now is one of those times of high stress. I am still able to keep some perspective, but right now the stress feels overwhelming. I know it is just a feeling, but it is powerful! The main thing causing stress right now is a paper I wrote. It's due tomorrow. Why would that be stressful? Well, because yesterday I came onto the computer to edit the paper and it was not longer there. Instead of the almost complete version, I had a version from two weeks ago. I have no idea what happened! I had been saving it and opening it on the computer for the past week and it was always there for me. Yesterday it wasn't. And it still isn't today. Thankfully my teacher graciously gave me an extension until next Wednesday, but it's a 15 page paper that took a lot of time and energy to write! So now we have company coming this weekend and I have to re-write a paper and study for all my midterms still. I know it's just school and I will get everything finished, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I would love to keep my current GPA.

I am begging Erik to take the computer in to see if someone can retrieve my paper, but he doesn't sound hopeful. Can't they do amazing things?? It has to be somewhere. I have also given Erik approval to buy another computer in the near future. He has been asking for two years. It is just so much money! And I want to go to Africa and that is so much money too! But, I do not want this happening ever again! Good thing I only have two more papers to write this semester... and they aren't going to be that difficult. 

I just keep reminding myself that in two weeks this won't even matter anymore. Two weeks. I can do it.

Salmon Run

Erik and I were babysitting Sawyer today so we decided to take her to Adams River to see the Salmon run. I always try to do something out of the house when I babysit because I do homework on all the other days. Sawyer also loves being outside so it was perfect!

 It is apparently the biggest Salmon run since 1913!! And it was ridiculous! Erik enjoyed it because he is planning on catching the descendants of these little guys in the next couple years in Alaska. How nice, eh??

It really was fascinating. Erik chatted with a park warden for a good half hour, but has yet to impart his new-found knowledge on me.

The weather was perfect! I think fall may be one of my top three seasons. And I think it may move up in rank once I have graduated and can properly enjoy it, It was perfect weather to wear a sweater and walk around. A sweater without walking would have been a little bit chilly.

We met up with Lindsey and Ade which was amazing because there were so many people. I saw them walking across a creek from us. Sawyer was nicely rocked to sleep by Ade.

Check it out!! I bet I could ave walked across the river on the backs of all the fishies swimming through it. Crazy!

There were so many dead fish. Obviously. People were gagging all over. You would step on the dead one's without even realizing it because they were all over and they blended into the rocks.

Lindsey got a new camera so she took a ton of gorgeous photos. She said she would make me a disc so I may post some of hers later. See all the dead guys around her??? Erik kept poking them with sticks and looking at maggots etc. Typical boy.

Now look at this little porker. She did so good today with all the driving and crazy naps. I adore her.

I know this is a bad photo below, but I love her little arm in it! It could be my favorite thing ever! Her popeye arm!

ps. i found my camera. silly me.

[] Baby [] Jonathan []

This is a continuation of the many photos I uploaded from my mother's computer when I was home for Thanksgiving. The pictures are from slide shows my father made for both Jonathan's wedding and my wedding, hence the photos of Jonathan in this post. The one below is one of my all-time favorite baby pictures. Look at that grin!!! And that stance! What a doll.

Jonathan has always been a sweet heart. He is so goofy and his laugh is infectious. He is such a joy to be around. He can be a bit of a turd too though, just ask his high school teachers.

Jonathan is two years older than me and I am fairly certain I always adored him. Almost always. There were a couple hard years for us. but we made it through. That's common, right?? Take a look at these adorable pictures of us playing together!

The whole reason for this post though is to share some very exciting news with you. The title "[] Baby [] Jonathan []", was my attempt at being poetic. The alternate title for the post is:

[A] Baby [For] Jonathan [!]

Yes ma'am (and sirs), the Jansen family continues to grow. The newest addition comes in the form of a baby for Jonathan and Courtney. They are due in May sometime and we are all so excited!!

{this moment}

{this moment} - A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Wishing you a lovely weekend!

*** *** ***

Family Photos

I know there are a ton of pictures in these posts... but I was just at Mom's and I uploaded a bunch so they are sitting as drafts waiting to be written about and posted.

You are lucky enough to have the pleasure of looking through a little bit of Jansen family history in the form of family photos. I may be a bit biased, but some of them are pretty cute. Absolutely adorable in fact. Sometimes I dream about being there when we were all little. Does that make sense?? What I would give to go back in time and sit and watch us all interact and be little again. I wonder what it was like. I wonder what I would think of us. I wonder if it would make me like my siblings more or less. I wonder what kind of perspective I would gain from it.

Ok, photo number 1. Circa 1987. The little one in the bonnet is me. How cute am I?! Super Cute. My mom actually gave me that exact outfit this weekend and I am planning on putting it on every single baby girl I have. Look at Jonathan and Zac... they're the two little gaffers in the front in the blue. How cute are they??

The infamous front-step-photos. You may recognize the house because my parents still live there. They moved in when my mom was pregnant with me. Can you imagine moving with six kids while you are pregnant? That does not sound like fun to me. Look at how good my mama looks! Seriously. This was in 1989... probably in June judging by how little Justin is. Lindsey and I don't appear to be enjoying ourselves very much.

This is an awful picture, but I included it to draw attention to the sofa we are all sitting on (I can't believe how easily "sofa" ran off my tongue... I never call it a sofa!). My mother, the pack-rat, decided to just throw the thing out one day. I'm pretty sure they had it for over 30 years and she just tossed it one day. Go mom!!! I walked into a whole new living room this Thanksgiving. Now we just have to get rid of the love seat that goes with it. The only problem is that I love those couches... they are so comfortable!

I'm pretty sure this is at one of my aunt's weddings and I'm fairly certain Mom is pregnant with Benjamin. You probably shouldn't quote me on that one though. Can you imagine your mother telling you she's pregnant when you are 19?? At the present moment Sharlene is 38 (don't tell her I told you) and Benjamin is 18. Crazy eh? Back to the photo... Jonathan = typical... and adorable. I love Justin's little sailor outfit. The little boys happen to be wearing the same t-shirts as two photos above... and I remember wearing that dress. Could this have been Auntie Ange's wedding?? I'm not sure.

I specifically remember having these photos taken. This was just after Sharlene's engagement. Benny Boy has finally made his way into the world thus completing our immediate family.

Visiting Oma and Opa Jansen and Great-Oma and Great-Opa Jansen in Edmonton. Four generations of Anthonie/y Jansens were present at this photo session. Precious eh? I remember visiting the greats every time we visited Edmonton. I didn't even hate those visits even though we were all cramped in a room listening to the adults speaking dutch. Shar's missing from the photo because she already had a baby of her own and no longer came on family trips with us.

At the homestead. 1995. Christmas-time. Look at how cute Jessica and Kaitlyn are! They, for those of you who don't know, are my nieces. They are no longer cute, but are now beautiful young women. Scary thought. I remember Mom coordinating what we all wore and sticking me in a bright red sweater. She apparently thought it wouldn't stick out with all the denim. I beg to differ Mama. At least it draws attention away from the doll on the floor next to us.

Dutch man's photo editing... See how my mother neatly cut out pictures of Anthony and Jonathan and literally pasted them on top of another photo? That's what happens when there are nine of you and it's cold outside. It's hard to all smile in unison, especially when the only incentive is my mother saying it will make a nice photo. Back to her photo shop skills. So funny! She stuck it in an album like that. I laugh every time I look at it.

This was probably in some winter month. Aren't those curtains psychedelic? Mom just got rid of them a couple months ago, just before throwing out the beloved couch - she's been gung-ho lately. I have braces in this photo, that's why my teeth are shining.

And this picture was taken at Anthony's wedding - the first of many weddings for our family. We decided to sit like this to poke fun at my mom's family because they always sat like this in family photos. I actually love this picture though! Serves us right for mocking my Oma! She had 11 children so I guess she figured out what worked. In case you can't tell, we are sitting from youngest to oldest. The difference between this picture and all my Oma's is that we are not all wearing the same outfit. Or clothes made of the same fabric. 

All of our  family photos since then have been taken at weddings. The most recent photo was from my wedding. I don't have it on this computer, but I'm sure you've all seen it. We need a non-wedding family photo. The problem is, we are hardly ever all together. Oh wait! We do have a more recent family photo! It's from my Opa's birthday! You can see it here. But in all seriousness, I think it's time for a family photo taken by real photographers. The only problem is.... when are we all going to be home?

proud auntie

I think I have the cutest nieces and nephews. Look at little Hailey Jade! She's almost 4 months old and is just adorable. She loves chatting and screeching. She is so tiny, but somehow has the most delicious cheeks. She is just so easy to love. 

It is amazing how much joy a little person can bring to a family. Countless hours were spent huddled around Hailey trying to make her smile and giggle. We think she's the best.

My Love of Onesies

 I think I can attribute my intense love of onesies to wearing them until I was 15. Ok. Maybe just until I was six. How cute are we??

love for my brothers

My brothers had a volleyball tournament this weekend. I came equipped with signs to cheer them on! I don't have a picture of my sign for Benny Boy, but there was one for him. They are in the same league so they will be playing against each other this year. The team Joel coaches also happened to be there so I got to watch all three of their teams play.

Justin wasn't as excited about his sign... that may have to do with the game he had just played though.

At the game I was sitting near some first year college students and man did it make me feel old! I know I'm not, but it was bizarre. I am in my sixth year of university though. I'm bound to start feeling out of place at some point. Ok. Off to bed!

from the back of the closet.

This weekend Lindsey and I pulled out our old grad dresses and tried them on. I think Lindsey said she's gained a solid 3 lbs since high school... which was 11 years ago for her!!! Needless to say, it was no surprise her grad dress fit her like a glove.

My dress, on the other hand, didn't fit so well. I have gained quite a bit more than Lindsey has since graduating only five years ago, but, I was impressed that mine almost fit. It was a bit of a squeeze in some areas, but it zipped all the way up.

I'm making this picture small, but I couldn't stop laughing. My bust was busting out!!!! It may be a little to revealing and I apologize for that, but seriously... it's hilarious. There are other pictures that worked better, but you can imagine that they would not be quite as appropriate to post.

And here we are together.

woops

I just wasted my morning. And I didn't waste my morning in the "I just sewed my baby girl a quilt" sort of way, but in the "I have sat staring at the computer screen for the past six hours and typed a page" sort of way. I should look on the bright side, I typed a page! And now I have the rest of the weekend to finish my 15 page paper. Thanksgiving weekend at home. With my family. This weekend is even more special because my father turns the big 6-0 tomorrow. SIXTY! And my niece turns 17. Yup, I did just say niece and 17 in the same sentence. Hard to believe.

having my hubby home

Having Erik home every evening is something I need to get used to. As suspected, it isn't the easiest transition. You'd think that I would adore the extra time together, and I definitely do, but it throws a wrench into things.

For example, I am very undisciplined when he is around. He would argue that I am always undisciplined but that just isn't true. I would rather hang out with him than do my homework Or he interrupts me for a simple question and we get to chatting for hours. Or he interrupts me when I am in my groove and I get instantly irritated. I have never had to do this! I have either been single and had all the time in the world, or been married and had an absent-in-the-evening husband.

It's also hard to get used to him being around when I don't have homework to do. We have to share space! He'll want to play guitar but I will want to listen to something or to watch something and we have to compromise! Or I'll want to knit and he'll want to go for a walk together. Or he'll be clanging in the kitchen and I'll be wanting quiet while I read (though I am so thankful for his clanging).

It is SO wonderful having weekends off together. I love love love that. Poor Erik has had to deal with me babysitting the past two weekends. Maelle came for her first sleepover at my house the last weekend of September. I know having babies around all the time isn't Erik's favorite thing in the world, but he does love my girls - especially Sawyer now that she's older and can play with him.

Back to the moral of the story. It is a big adjustment having Erik home on evenings and weekends. It is difficult at times, but it is an adjustment I LOVE and am so excited to make. Change is good. It's very good.

"mom" for a weekend.

I got to play mom for the weekend to a little three-month-old! Actually, he is a gargantuan three-month-old. He is Sawyer's bigger younger cousin who we endearingly named "Fat Jon".

This weekend also happened to be one of our busiest! Poor Jon was hardly at our house! On Friday night we had a bbq at school for Africa. On Saturday morning we went to the Farmer's Market because Erik was doing something for work. Then we spent Saturday afternoon baking 30 apple pies for a grad fundraiser with two of my friends. And we had a young adults movie night on Saturday night. We had a nice low-key Sunday though to make up for the busyness of the previous days.

I enjoyed having a little one all weekend. I have to say that it is definitely easier to care for "your" babies. I know Sawyer and Maelle aren't my own, but they are my babies. I know them. I know what they need and I know how to comfort them. I know what their different cries mean and can predict how they will respond in certain situations. With little Jon I wasn't so sure. I just met him when we picked him up and all I had to go off of was a detailed outline from his Mama.

I didn't know how he would respond if he missed a nap or if he had to sleep in his car seat at some point because there was no where to lie him down. I didn't know if he needed to be burped half way through his bottle or if he would scream at me if I interrupted his feed. I know that these may not seem important, but they are when you have a three-month-old with a powerful set of lungs.

Also, it is easier to tolerate screaming from a baby you know and dearly love. Now, Jon didn't cry too much so this wasn't an issue, but when he did I was aware of how quickly his crying wore me down. I should clarify that this was quicker relative to my babies. I think I have a high tolerance for children inconsolably screaming in my ear. I will admit that I had to put him in his bed for a couple minutes because I just didn't know what to do! I felt like a bad babysitter, but I figured that if he screamed as much in my arms as he did on his own I would put him down so we didn't both get worked up. Don't worry, I did come back and try again about 3 minutes later, but I just needed a couple minutes to breathe.

Jon had some of the best smiles! They were open mouthed grins that lit up his entire face! It was awesome. His cousin, Sawyer, and her mom slept over the second night and they had fun "playing" with each other. They really just "talked" and grabbed at each other. Or rather, she grabbed at him and tried to eat him and he tolerated her. It's funny how fascinated babies are by each other.

Well. That's all the energy I have for now. It's time for bed.

sick to my stomach

I cannot find my camera and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I have looked everywhere. Every single place I can think of. I even made Erik go driving to everywhere I was yesterday to look for it. I remember taking a picture in the grass by the mall and then we got into the car and came home. It disappeared some time between the picture and home. I can't imagine myself forgetting it on the ground, but it is no where!!

I think it might be lost.

And that makes me sick.

I don't care about the camera so much as the memory card full of pictures. I had 847 photos that are NOT uploaded onto my computer because, well, my computer is on the fritz. I have nothing from Maelle's birth on.

Barf.