I'm glad he's home

Me - "Hey Erik, you can tell me if I look bad and I won't take it personally."

20 minutes later.

Erik - "Hey Ashley, you should learn 4 different hairstyles to rotate through."

Me - "Am I not pretty enough for you?"

Erik - "Well, you are beautiful, but you could learn some easy hairstyles to enhance your beauty."

Me - "What, you don't like my hair?"

Erik - "Well, you look like a Sasquatch."

Me - "A Sasquatch??"

Erik - "Maybe a Wookie."



If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Deflated.

That's how I feel. Deflated.

Erik has been fishing in Alaska for the past 3 weeks and comes home on Sunday. Hallelujah! I can't wait to just BE with him - even if he hasn't showered since he left home. This week has been exhausting and I just want my best friend.

On Saturday as I was about to leave my sister's house to attend Reuban and Amy's wedding I decided to quickly check my email. Erik's sister had just sent me an email informing me that Erik's grandfather was not doing well and that they were taking him home to pass away surrounded by people who love him. I decided to skip the reception and to instead go down to Stanwood to be with the family - my soon-to-be in-laws. Grandpa passed away on Sunday afternoon in his home surrounded by his family. It was an interesting experience to be there - especially because Erik was in Alaska. His family functions much differently than mine does so it was interesting to support them in their grieving. There were many moments where I sat there thinking "What AM I doing here?" or "Uh... what should I do now?" I feel blessed to have been there and to have witnessed and participate in the family supporting each other.

On Monday I was planning on going to visit Grandma and the aunt's again but my mother called to inform me that my aunt and uncle got in a car accident up by Burn's Lake on their way home. Thus started another ordeal.

To make a long story short, three cousins were airlifted from Smithers to Children's Hospital in Vancouver. The two oldest boys underwent reconstructive surgery on their faces yesterday (broken eye socket, broken cheek bones, broken jaw, etc. etc.) and the youngest boy has been sedated in ICU. They were worried about brain damage and spinal cord damage, but today we got news that he is in the clear as far as that goes. He did tear at least one ligament supporting the vertebrae in his neck. They need to ween him out of sedation to assess the full extent of his injuries. My other little cousin is in Terrace with another Aunt as she had minimal injuries.

So my days have been full of work and then driving out to Children's to hang out with my cousins. I have had a wonderful time hanging out with them. They are such troopers. The most difficult part was wheeling the two older boys down to see their brother in ICU for the first time. They were both in rough shape, but they wanted to see him. It broke my heart pushing them up to the bed and seeing them both well up with emotion. They were both hesitant, but they touched Jonas and held his hands and feet and talked to him. I can't even begin to describe what that experience felt like. I was in awe. The only word that comes to my mind is reverence. That is the word that I would use to describe those precious moments. Does that even make sense?

Throughout it all, I have felt a pang of loneliness. I have so many people around me, but I deeply miss Erik. I want to share this time with him. I want the comfort he offers, the knowing. I miss him.

High Ropes... Hell!

It has been a while and I have been psyching myself up to update.

Erik and I went to Sasquatch! It was a lot of fun. The weather was much nicer than I expected and I was pleasantly surprised by some of the bands we saw. As anticipated, Tegan and Sara were awesome!! So were Flight of the Conchords! So great!

On Tuesday I went to work with Erik. He was facilitating the high ropes course at Warm Beach Camp. I got to stop people after they went on the swing, bring them the ladder to climb up on, unclip them and help them down. Erik was trying to convince me all day to go on the course with him, but I am TERRIFIED of heights. Who would have thought? I haven't always been, but it developed somewhere in my life. I know that you are entirely safe and that if the course was 5 ft off the ground it would be pitiful, but I am still very uncomfortable with being 30 ft off the ground. All day I watched kids romp around the course, but I was still adamant that I was not going to join them. Finally at 9:00pm I was pressured into going up there. All the kids were gone so it was just me and Erik up there with his two work buddies on the ground. It was still light when we started, but by the time we were done it was a fair bit darker and my depth perception was failing me so I missed the wires a couple times. I was not impressed. I even cried at one point (just a little bit... tears just welled up in my eyes then went away).

I think it's a bad idea to do the course with someone you know. What I mean is that if I did it with a facilitator that I didn't know then my only picture of who they were would be this hero who conquers the high ropes course all day every day. It is easy to blindly trust a person who you only know in the context of what you are doing. It is much harder to trust your fiance. Well, I trust Erik, but I don't have this distorted picture of him being the high ropes guru. I know who he is and I have no problem telling him to "Shut up!" or saying "No I don't need to stop and breathe I need to finish and get down!" or "Get away from me! Don't touch me! I'm trying to breathe!" I didn't have to pretend that I wasn't scared and that I was confident. I was allowed to be pathetic... and pathetic I was.

I finished though. Hallelujah!

Here are some random pictures from the past couple weeks.

At Erik's grandparent's house at 5:00am.
Christopher and Justin at Zachary's baseball game.

On the way home from Erik's grandparent's one day.

Grandma Lea without her wig.

This Summer

This is going to be quite the summer. Mainly because I'M GETTING MARRIED!!! Erik proposed on Friday night! The night involved take-out sushi, a cafe where he sang to me (iron and wine), and a fire and flowers on the beach. oh... and a beautiful ring!
So, I'll be the 5th Jansen wedding in 15 months. I was home for his graduation this weekend so it was "perfect timing". Perfect because I can come back to Kelowna and tell my friends. Not so perfect because I have three exams this week. For the first time I don't care about them! I have a wedding to plan and approximately four months to plan it in.
I'm now back in Kelowna trying to study, but it isn't going too well. Go figure.

One Year

It has been a year!!! A whole year!! Erik and I have been dating for a year.
Man have things changed. We are completely different now than we were there (thank goodness!). Erik used to be so awkward (k. he still is, but now he will at least hold my hand in public). Here's us somewhere in he beginning... like a month after we started dating...ish. I have loved growing as a couple and figuring out who we are together, but also the support he has provided for me to grow as an individual (I would like to say that I have done the same for him, but I'll leave that for him).
It was hard to become "we". I had been so anti-dating it wasn't even funny. I did not know how to date (does anybody?). I said so many strange things... just bizarre.
One thing I have learned that stands out right now is that our relationship is unique to us. I have learned to love the quirks rather than be terrified by them. That has really allowed me to appreciate our relationship. That is my dating advice (I should be qualified to give a bit now)... look for the unique aspects of your relationship and LOVE those.

Here is us last weekend. Erik was up with my parents and three of my brothers and it was hard to be excited about our one year anniversary of dating when my parents are celebrating their 37th of marriage in less than a week. Now that, my friends, is a long time.

Pictures from the Reception

Lindsey's Reception

My sister Lindsey got married in Costa Rica on December 29, 2007 to Adrian Neale. We celebrated this weekend with family and friends. It was raining all morning but turned out to be a beautiful day.
At one point in the reception Lindsey got up and announced that she had a surprise for our family... in walked my brother Jonathan and his fiancee Courtney!! We didn't know they were coming because they had their pre-marital course thing all weekend. But they left a couple hours early so they could make the reception. They were a couple hours late... and missed our family pictures... but we were so excited to see them.
It was a good celebration. Lots of laughing... and crying... and hugging... It was good.

It won't let me load photos right now so I'll try again later.

I Can't Stop Myself

Some people are compulsive shoppers.

Some CRAVE chocolate.

Some are addicted to coffee.

Ok... enough poetry.

I love buying cards. I love sending cards to people (ok, usually just Erik). When I go shopping I can't help but peruse the card aisle. When I see a "perfect" card I can't help but purchase it.

Thankfully they are hard to come by.

Usually.

Then there are those days where you see five or six that would be perfect for your mom, your sister... or just Erik.

Today there were only two perfect ones. Thank goodness!



Erik, your card's in the mail.

Banana Paper

This week I got a parcel in the mail!!! Parcel's are by far my favorite thing. I love getting them! (I've only had two this year... and one was things I had bought and paid for)...

Anyway, my sister Lindsey (who was married in Costa Rica this December), sent me a banana journal from Costa Rica. It is excellent. It is beautiful. I love it. It is 100% not paper!! that is incredible. I can't tell you what the contents are because it's written in Spanish... but I'm assuming banana's are a huge factor. NO PAPER though!!! Banana's are much easier to regrow than trees are.

Soup Sweats

Please say I am not the only person who gets soup sweats. I was just enjoying my wonderful bowl of soup (SUCCESS!!!) and I started pealing off the layers. I never really realize what I am doing until there are no more layers to decently remove. Then I just feel HOT. So hot that I chug three glasses of water and walk around for a minute before sitting down again.

At least the soup was a success.

Of Goat's Milk Soap and White Bean & Rosemary with Garlic & Vegetable Soup

Erik has sensitive skin.

Erik does not use normal soap because normal soap irritates Erik's sensitive skin.

Erik convinced Ashley to buy Goat's Milk Soap because it doesn't irritate Erik's sensitive skin.

Ashley guffawed but relented.

Ashley LOVES her Goat's Milk Soap.

No really. I LOVE my Goat's Milk Soap. It is incredible. It is better than anything else I have ever tried. I come out of the shower and don't even feel the need to put lotion on. That, my friends is a miracle. I could lather myself up forever. Canus Goat's Milk Soap - you should all go out and get some. It comes in four wonderful fragrances:
1. Original Formula (the one I'm currently using ... very pleasant)
2. With Olive and Wheat Protein
3. With Shea Butter
4. Fragrance-free (for those with extra sensitive skin)


White Bean & Rosemary with Garlic & Vegetable Soup

I am in the process of making this soup from a recipe I got from Erik's sister at Christmas time. It was DELICIOUS when she made it, but I'm a little nervous. It's tough to replicate something like that.

My soup is reheating on the oven as we speak (I made it last night, but it always tastes better the next day) It's almost time to go have a little taste test. If all goes well I will post the recipe.

Listen and Let Be

We have been talking extensively about listening in one of my nursing classes. It's something that I have come to realize is not as easy as it seems. This has become obvious at clinical. It's much easier to try to fix someone's problems than to trust uncertainty. This is a poem that is in one of our textbooks that I really appreciated.

Listen

When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advice
you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I ask, is that you listen,
not talk or do - just hear me.

Advice is cheap - 10 cents will get you both Dear Abby
and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

And I can do that for myself; I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do
for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince you
and can get about the business of understanding what's behind
this irrational feeling.

And when that's clear, the answers are obvious
and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand.

So, please listen and just hear me.
And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn;
and I'll listen to you.

Anonymous

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

A lot has happened since my last update:

- Erik and I attended a friend's wedding.
- My family celebrated Christmas together.
- My mother turned 55.
- Erik and I drove to Lake Benton, Minnesota to visit his sister and her family. We stopped at Mt. Rushmore on the way.
- My sister got married in Costa Rica.
- I returned to Kelowna.
- I celebrated my 21st Birthday.
- Classes have started up.
- I bought my first pair of scrubs.
- I have started my Clinical Practicum.

First, Lake Benton was wonderful! We got to meet the newest addition to Erik's family and spend time playing with his two-year-old nephew. We experienced a Minnesota wind storm and had plenty of time to relax.




Lindsey and Adrian were married in Costa Rica on December 29. My parents flew out for the occasion and had a wonderful time.
Erik is visiting me now in Kelowna so I am going to go spend some time with him.

16th Row ... [Fixed Post]

**I didn't realize that some of the paragraphs got moved when I posted this... it's now in the right order**

"Say hi to Roberto for me."

Apparently my nephew is on a first name basis with Roberto Luongo. I'm a bit ashamed that I need to add in the clarification that Mr. Luongo is the goalie for the Vancouver Canucks (Shawna, he's incredible too!).

Christopher asked me to send his regards to Luongo when I told him I was going to the game on Saturday when I was babysitting. I laughed. He then proceeded to inform me that his buddy Roberto was coming for a sleepover sometime in the boys newly painted bedroom. The boys are pretty proud of their bedroom. I'd say my sister did a great job!


So I had the pleasure of going and watching the Canucks beat the Stars 3-2 from the 16th row!! That's close enough to see the sweat on the player's faces... and the grimaces... and the smiles... and to see the foul words that came flying out of some mouths at various points in the game. I was right behind my nephew's beloved Luongo. I felt like I should of had a beer to go a long with the whole experience, but beer is gross.

On the way to the game, as Laura and I were passing this truck I saw my brother-in-law. He didn't see me and Laura didn't believe me. We slowed down, and sure enough Brian was with his four buddies in a friend's truck on the way to the game. I was waving out the window and yelling at them. He asked what section I was in and if I had taken the tunnel (traffic was so backed up!).

Then, at the game, I got a call from my brother asking where I was sitting. So I stood in the aisle and flailed my arms like an idiot trying to get his attention. He was way up in the nose-bleeds just to the left of me so we waved and acted like fools. Every time I looked up at him after that we would be sitting in the same position. It made me laugh.

The game itself was very entertaining. I really do enjoy watching it from up close. It's obviously much different than on TV. Much more exciting, but at the same time, the player's don't seem as unreal as they do on TV. "Unreal" in the sense that they are these superstars whose lives are hockey. When I watched them sit on the bench and interact with each other I... it wasn't an enlightenment or anything... but you realize how normal they are. I could imagine their wives in the stands or at home with the kids. I saw that they were just a bunch of boys playing a game - the great game of hockey, at that, but still... playing a game.

I loved watching the ease and fluidity with which they could skate. Everything was smooth. Watching Edler elegantly transition from the ice to the bench was impressive, breathtaking even. He would be powering to the bench full tilt and then he would gracefully lift his right leg up over the bench and place it on the ground, raise his left leg and be seated on the bench beside his teammate in one fluid transition. It was incredible! He would walk over the edge like it was no big deal while little Ritchie would have to jump up and hoist himself over.


That was the exciting event of the week. Other than that, I wrote my last exam, sat in Kelowna while Michelle wrote her last exam. I have a wedding to go to tomorrow - no outfit yet (typical), family Christmas on the 24th, Mom's birthday and dinner on the 25th (she's 55 this year... and won't be impressed that I am writing that... but she's hot), then Erik and I are off to Minnesota. It should be wonderful.

I keep licking my lips. They are cracked and bleeding.

Ouch.

Erik went home to Stanwood for the weekend for Thanksgiving. This means I don't get to talk to him.

Shucks.

Way to Go Lauren

We had another fire alarm tonight. I was in bed, again. Lauren was on the phone to her friend, but she came into the room and asked if I was going outside this time. I said, "Nope, I am going to sleep."
Lauren decided to sit on her bed and peer out the window while deciding whether or not she would go out. Our window is unfortunately located right by the main doors so all the RA's observed her peering out (apparently it's easy to see inside when a lights on and it's pitch black outside). They all began motioning for Lauren to come outside. She proceeded to quickly and violently shut the curtain and we could hear the people outside laughing.
Great. Our cover was blown. We had to don our jackets and make our way outside.
Lauren did not want to make it obvious that we were the ones who stayed in our rooms so she made us walk all the way to the far side of the building (a rather long walk) and go down the far far stairs. We ended up sitting on the stairs of the upper parking lot watching the RA's below.
We saw them pointing at our window and laughing. It was hilarious. Our RA came from somewhere else and we heard the other RA's laugh and tell her that she had two people who decided to not come out. There was more pointing and laughing and talk of "rebels". Then we saw another RA walk all the way up the stairs and in the direction of our room. We were waiting to see if he would open our curtain and peer out... he came back a couple minutes later.
We were eventually let back into the building and Lauren and I were laughing about maybe finding a note on our door... as we turned the corner we nearly ran into two RA's standing beside our door with a clipboard. We just nonchalantly walked past them and into our room and burst out into fits of giggles.

Fire Alarm???

Last night I was once again rudely awaken by yet another fire alarm. Actually, I can't really complain. It took me five minutes to actually figure out what it was because it isn't that loud when you're in my room, let alone when you're half asleep.

I made some feeble attempts to wake up Lauren then I got up and tapped her shoulder. She got out of bed and I laid back down. I really did not feel like getting layered up to go stand outside in the cold for an hour while the firemen came and checked the building out. There was a party going on outside and the people there didn't seem to be panicking or super excited about anything. Lauren was up putting her sweater on and I said I was going to sleep again. It's probably illegal or something to stay inside when there's a fire alarm, but I didn't care.

I fell asleep to the melodious ringing of the alarm. I was asleep before the firetrucks even made it to campus. I figure that if it was real, it would have made for a great story to say that a dreamy fireman came and saved my life... or caught me while I jumped from the window of a burning building. Those stories are always more fun anyways... like that time two cops busted into my room at King's with their hands on their guns while my roommate and I slept because we didn't answer the pounding door.

Time to Pray

Erik and I saw this clock at King's School in Edmonds. Erik thought it was great so he asked me to take a picture of it. It's great.

Little Ben is Growing Up

My little brother is turning 16 on Tuesday. I can't believe that he is already 16. That is incredible. I absolutely love him. He is probably the most gentle person I know. He rocks.

Today was full of family. I have missed everyone and it was great to see them all again. A couple of my aunts and uncles and cousins were over and we had a wonderful time talking and laughing and eating and eating and eating. My mother cooked up a storm!!!

Here's Ben and me

Pops and Anth

Anthonie does not look impressed with Erik... uh oh

Erik when we were at King's School in Edmonds bringing flowers to my friend Rachael for her birthday. It was so good to see her.

Erik and his Dad when we visited the fire hall.

He Wasn't Satisfied

Erik will dictate this post for me.

I am sitting in Stanwood, Washington on a chair in Erik's parents living room right by the fireplace.
We have had an eventful day. Erik made me breakfast this morning (eggs... mmmmmm) and then we went to Haggen to buy Swedish Fish (better than Swedish Berries) and gross beer for Erik's roommate. Erik's sister Jayna was with us and we tasted a bunch of cheeses.... so good!
Then we went to this little convent. It's in a little house out in Stanwood, the Cedarhome area (for those of you who Erik assumes know Stanwood... which he thinks is everyone... or should be). I have never been to a convent and didn't imagine it to be like that. I was expecting something like Westminster Abbey in Mission, but it was actually a little house and the little nuns were so sweet. They have a little store called "Quiet Light Candles" with all these really neat and intricate decorations, candle holders, lip balm, honey, cards and... lots of little trinkets. The nuns make all the candle's and most of the other merchandise was made locally. It was really sweet little store. I enjoyed it.
Then Erik and I went for a walk at Kayak Point. It was beautiful. I enjoyed that too... because I like him...
Tonight we are going on a date :) We are going to this little theater called the Pickford Cinema in Bellingham on the way home. We have been there once. It's an independent cinema that we absolutely love. Last time we went we saw "the waitress" with a bunch of elderly people. I'm supposed to say something about the movie here.
then I'm heading home to my parents house tonight. I haven't seen them in almost three months now.

Last comments from Erik:
- You should all come see Stanwood.
- Stanwood is nice.
- About "the Waitress", It was a cute little movie about a girl who expressed her emotions of angst and despair through inventing pie recipes, this reminded her of her mother. The movie was good, except for the ending where the conclusion was pretty one-sided. Keri Russel's character ended up being an idiot.
- Ashley really does like me.